hurting
I dont know if this is going to help or not. right now I feel that I have no outlet apart from this. that sucks, big time. I know I have friends who will listen, i just dont feel that theyll understand.
im hurting. im hurting for reasons that may seem silly, i feel that I shouldnt be. i also feel at the strongest that ive felt in a long time. so i dont really know where this is coming from. things feel out of my control, situations in my life that I have no handle on, I cannot influence and that hurts. cos theres nothing i can do about it.
im living in a house that I detest. I get on with noone here whatsoever. the people piss me off. so why not move? where the hell to?? show me somewhere affordable with friends or at least people who could be friends. i hate it here. i cant relax here or be myself and that hurts.
im being forced out of my job. i have put in so much work into Young Life over the past 2 years and at points its been fantastic. but constantly nagging at me has been something telling me it wasnt right. and then when my line mananger, my boss, the person whos there to support me, questions my motivation for youth work and basically says ive not being doing a good job for the past 2 years - well that was it. i was not having that. i simmered and went to sort it out and he handled it incredibly badly and sealed the deal. i was out of there. other people have also confirmed to me YL is not right for me now. that hurts. a placement thats been good for 2 years that Ive loved and felt at home at and yet without doing anything wrong, Im a gonner. With LCET that was understandable, but not this. I hate it. the next stage scares me.
you know when u feel strong and in charge and then something dictates otherwise? well thats happened. I thought i was ready to be able to support someone else but in actual fact i dont feel like i can even support myself. yet I still feel confident in who I am and the man that God has made me. Im not sure that im the Man of God that I want to be or others have wanted me to be. Im hurting and I dont know where that fits into being strong, maybe its what I do with thats crucial. If any of you do read this then please please please pray for me. Prayer is a massive support.
oh and ive also got two 3000 word essays due in Monday and I'm scared that Im going to fail again.
im hurting. im hurting for reasons that may seem silly, i feel that I shouldnt be. i also feel at the strongest that ive felt in a long time. so i dont really know where this is coming from. things feel out of my control, situations in my life that I have no handle on, I cannot influence and that hurts. cos theres nothing i can do about it.
im living in a house that I detest. I get on with noone here whatsoever. the people piss me off. so why not move? where the hell to?? show me somewhere affordable with friends or at least people who could be friends. i hate it here. i cant relax here or be myself and that hurts.
im being forced out of my job. i have put in so much work into Young Life over the past 2 years and at points its been fantastic. but constantly nagging at me has been something telling me it wasnt right. and then when my line mananger, my boss, the person whos there to support me, questions my motivation for youth work and basically says ive not being doing a good job for the past 2 years - well that was it. i was not having that. i simmered and went to sort it out and he handled it incredibly badly and sealed the deal. i was out of there. other people have also confirmed to me YL is not right for me now. that hurts. a placement thats been good for 2 years that Ive loved and felt at home at and yet without doing anything wrong, Im a gonner. With LCET that was understandable, but not this. I hate it. the next stage scares me.
you know when u feel strong and in charge and then something dictates otherwise? well thats happened. I thought i was ready to be able to support someone else but in actual fact i dont feel like i can even support myself. yet I still feel confident in who I am and the man that God has made me. Im not sure that im the Man of God that I want to be or others have wanted me to be. Im hurting and I dont know where that fits into being strong, maybe its what I do with thats crucial. If any of you do read this then please please please pray for me. Prayer is a massive support.
oh and ive also got two 3000 word essays due in Monday and I'm scared that Im going to fail again.
posted by Pete at 19:57
1 Comments:
hello mate, don't sound too gd for u at the mo...here if u wana chat, and dw i will pray for u, take care
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